Friday, July 07, 2017

This just in ...

Scientists Isolate Gene for People 
Who "Knew that Would Happen"

A team at Edinburgh University has announced that it has identified the individual gene found only in those people who claim that they ‘knew something would happen’, despite having no evidence or reason to support their viewpoint.

A laboratory test involving 12 mice, 300g of Cathedral City Cheddar and a large wooden mallet studied the facial expressions of two observing mice, one of which had been injected with the ‘knew what would happen’ gene. When sample mice began entering the ‘dining area’ to be dispatched with a swift thud, ‘Mouse Y’ displayed shock at the flattening of his fellow rodents whilst ‘Mouse X’ merely closed its eyes dismissively and nodded.

Head of Research Dr Stephen Xavier was unavailable to comment on the success of the project when press called at his home in Glasgow, but his 82-year-old father revealed that ‘he wasn’t in the least bit surprised’ that his son had been nominated for the prestigious ‘Up our own arses Fellowship Scholarship Award’ despite the fact that he actually believed Stephen worked as a welder in a Fife shipyard.

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