Sunday, June 18, 2017

This just in ...

Trump Signs Executive Order 
Banning Church Greeting Times

WASHINGTON, D.C.—A new mandate banning churches from implementing incredibly awkward times of forced meeting and greeting is the latest executive order to be signed by President Trump, sources at the White House reported Friday.
The order instructs churches to allow fellowship to occur “naturally and organically,” rather than asking church members to turn to one another and say some pithy phrase during the worship set. It also instructs law enforcement officers to intervene to prevent any forced time of shaking hands, saying a silly phrase, or greeting those sitting in pews near a victim, according to sources.

Unlike some of President Trump’s more controversial executive actions, the order was reportedly met with near-universal praise from the nation’s churchgoing community.

“Now this is what I call making America great again,” a church member who describes herself as “introverted” said in response to the executive order. “I can finally just attend church without worrying about being put on the spot with a time of compulsory fellowship.”

Can I get an Amen at 11.

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