Tuesday, April 18, 2017

This just in ...

Baptists Release Modified Version Of 
Food Pyramid With Mostly Just Casseroles

NASHVILLE, TN—The Southern Baptist Convention’s medical research board announced Tuesday it had completed its long-awaited food pyramid to help Baptist church members make healthy selections for their daily nutritional needs.

The pyramid contains almost entirely casseroles, sources confirmed.

“We recommend at least five servings daily of any cheese or chicken-based casserole,” the Baptist health expert said. “Make sure to eat other types of casseroles as well, as having a well-rounded diet with all varieties of the sacred dish is important to help you get all the grease and fats your body needs.”

“Top it all off with sparing amounts of watered-down foyer coffee, and you’ve got yourself a healthy, well-balanced diet each day,” she added.

The medical board also recommended avoiding any casseroles that do not at first glance appear to contain unhealthy amounts of cheese and those delicious crispy little onions on top.

Film at 11.

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