Wednesday, March 01, 2017

Now it can be told ...

Jake Hyland Of Kansas City MO Chosen 
As Nation’s Designated Survivor In Case Rest Of 
Country Wiped Out During Presidential Address

WASHINGTON—As part of the standard contingency plan to ensure continuity of the American populace following a major catastrophe, sources confirmed that Jake Hyland of Kansas City, MO served as the nation’s designated survivor during President Donald Trump’s Tuesday evening address to Congress.

Local Man Jake Hyland enters undisclosed location.
“In the event that a terrorist attack or other disaster killed the other 324 million U.S. citizens, Mr. Hyland would serve the vital role of assuming all the duties of the American people going forward,” said Secret Service director Joseph Clancy, adding that the 43-year-old digital marketing manager was escorted to a secure, undisclosed location, where he remained throughout Trump’s speech until authorities deemed that the entire country’s population was no longer at risk of being collectively wiped out in a single cataclysmic event. 

“Mr. Hyland was being briefed on all necessary protocol and was fully prepared to act as the sole remaining member of the country’s citizenry if necessary.” Clancy stressed. However, that order of succession would have fallen to higher-ranking Americans such as 57-year-old Jessica Perry of Fort WayneIN or 49-year-old Alexis Monroe of Harrisburg PA if they were to also survive.

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