Friday, February 17, 2017

Welcome to Connecticut, Ivan!

"Take me to your Donald."
The Russians are coming! The Russians are coming!

And we here in Connecticut welcome them with open arms.

We're hoping the Russian sailors on the sub spotted off our bankrupt coastline will come on ashore to replace the thousands of people fleeing the state.

It was rumored that Connecticut's distinguished tin pot Marxist governor, Daniel Malloy, had printed up a presentation to appeal to the sailors, but mistakenly used a picture of a Chinese sub. This could not be confirmed.

It was also said that Malloy offered the Ruskies protection in one of the state's fine sanctuary cities, but this was not confirmed.

It could also not be confirmed that Malloy has sent the submarine a tax bill, hoping to mitigate Connecticut's bankruptcy.

What could be confirmed was that distinguished U.S. Senator Richard Blumenthal remained in close contact with the Department of Defense as the crisis unfolded. Perhaps he was also discussing his big lie about fighting in Vietnam.
"So you're Dan Malloy. Oh brother."
Showing his commitment to truth and honor, Bloomie declared that the actions again reveal the need for an independent investigation into "possible collusion" between the Trump administration and Russian agents.

Anything is possible, right Bloomie?

Not to be outdone, the distinguished U.S. Rep. Jim Himes agreed it was troubling given the stories of Russian ties and interference with the Trump administration.

I, for one, am deeply troubled.

Not to be outdone, distinguished U.S. Senator Chris Murphy, and distinguished U.S. Reps. Rep. Rosa DeLauro and Elizabeth Esty all agreed it was Trump's fault.

Not to be outdone, Hartford's distinguished newspaper, The Courant, leapt into action, interviewing distinguished local barber Joe Quaratella Jr., owner of Nautilus Barber Shop, named for the first nuclear-powered submarine, who agreed with everyone.

"Mr. Trump made 'em come here."

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