Sunday, January 22, 2017

How Hollywood can survive The Donald

Here is some advice from John G. Ekizian for Hollywood that might help it get through the next four years:
Here’s how the American electoral process works:
  • Martin Sheen is not the former president of the United States.
  • Founding fathers of The Price is Right Mark Goodson and Bill Todman had specific reasons why contestants lose even if their guess is just $1 over the manufacturer’s suggested retail selling price. The Electoral College is like that too.
  • Republican electors are lifers who are as likely to listen to Democrats as they are to freeze-frame Lena Dunham’s nude scenes on “Girls”.
  • A newly elected president is entitled to find jobs for his “people,” just like Wes Anderson is for Bill Murray, Owen Wilson and Edward Norton.
Here’s why you’re not connecting:
  • Martin Sheen is not the former president of the United States.
  • Meryl Streep has limited clout in at least twenty-seven congressional districts where Florence Foster Jenkins went straight to pay-per-view.
  • The celebrities who think we’re laughing at their ironic performances of I Will Survive are being laughed at, period.
Here’s a reality check moving forward:
  • Martin Sheen is not the former president of the United States.
  • Jack Reacher and Edge of Tomorrow have been far more damaging to Tom Cruise’s clout than the lack of A-list celebrities at the inauguration will ever be to Donald Trump’s.
  • Senator John Thune (R-SD) doesn’t need Dev Patel to get him chicks.
  • Any effort to pass a constitutional amendment that calls for Debra Messing to vet all future presidential candidates will be less successful than her career after Will & Grace.
Pass the popcorn.

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